Come closer! I have a secret to tell you. Guess what?
Mami guilt is real and the force is strong.
Actually, for us mamis, maybe that’s not such a big secret!
It’s true, though. Mami-ing is a 24/7 job, and sometimes it feels like our careers are the same way. We’re expected to be accessible and respond quickly to emails, meeting invites, all the things! One thing is for sure: Motherhood and academia will never tell you that you have done enough.
There’s always more. And isn’t more always better?
I spend the better part of my day tag-teaming between Zoom calls, responding to emails, and working on research projects. In between all of that, I’m prepping meals, doing housework, setting up Play-Doh, or playing The Secret Life of Pets more than a few times.
And, after a long work day, it’s difficult to have the energy to play and engage when all I want to do is unplug. I then start thinking I should want to do play, play, play! I should want to give more or do more. Sound familiar?
Mamis, if you start going down this rabbit hole. Just stop!! You’re going to should yourself to death.
Instead, be as fully present as possible. Sometimes that means just cuddling on the couch to watch cartoons. Sometimes that means sharing in a snack with the tv off. Do what you can and move along.
The days are long, but the years are short. Make memories where you can, enjoy the fun times, and treat yo self for all of your hard work! You deserve it.
This weekend as I binged on (and actually finished) Padma Lakshmi’s Taste the Nation entire first season, I sent a text to #scholarmami about the fact I should probably be up and running around with my kids. But alas, I didn’t. I sat on the couch (which had its grip so tight on me I could not get off of it) and thought about all the super moms who were likely up doing homemade volcanoes with their kids or making slime or being active outside all on the same day. By the way, if you saw my post on our #Mamisonthemove Instagram page I did get enough energy to bake with the girls. That was my mom-success for the weekend…along with the fact all were fed multiple times per day and everyone is still alive. #praiseJesus!
But all of these shoulds! They say comparison is the killer of all joy and as I scroll through social media where I see other mommas doing awesome things and I think “dang! I’m not doing that!” -insert guilty feeling-.
But, the moment I hear my youngest talk on her play phone and have excellent phone etiquette or hear my oldest delegating tasks to her stuffed animals I remember these babies are learning by watching! Guess what?! I’m creating little vice presidents! -insert happy dance-. Also, life as a #vpmami was tiring before COVID-19 but it is another and certainly also super draining kind of exhausting now. Be it the video conferences or the mounting pressures of figuring out what schools will look like for the rest of summer and fall terms, this is exhausting. Hence my need to stay on the couch for multiple hours per day on the weekends. I am going to try to stop feeling all the guilt and focus on the little wins while allowing myself resting time.
How do you handle #mamiguilt? Share a comment below or send us a message! #mamishelpingmamis